Bottle

September 12th 2017

Today the hot water bottle has come out for the first time since winter. That’s depressing. It’s not even my birthday yet (10 days, nudge nudge) and it’s cold enough to warrant sleeping with a hot water bottle. I’m really not okay with that. Isn’t it technically still summer? I’m gonna check…

Screen Shot 2017-09-12 at 22.22.06.png

Yep.

It’s summer until my birthday. Summer, and I’ve just filled the kettle up to make a hot water bottle. Fuck this. I mean, most of the “It’s cold enough for a hot water bottle” narrative is coming from Alice, but y’know… what she says goes.

Apparently there’s a storm heading our way, so there’s that. Also, apparently we’re adopting that weird American trait of personifying weather, and have given it a name. “Storm Aileen”. Bollocks, the lot of it. Although, it’s infinitely probable that that weird storm naming system was actually our thing first, and the Americans stole it (and most likely made it worse), like football, X Factor, and The Inbetweeners. (seriously, this is off topic but have you ever seen how bad The Inbetweeners USA is???)

Oh. While we’re on the subject of America. Acknowledge climate change, Donald, you daft prick. 

Either way, it’s all bollocks, because it means that on today, September 12th, I have to sleep with a hot water bottle. The hot water bottle is Christmas themed. There’s reindeers on it for fuck’s sake. You shouldn’t have to fish out the Christmas-themed hot water bottle in the early-middle of September. That’s like, against the law or something.

Anyway, sorry that this has been quite ranty. I’m off to bed.

Until tomorrow, my hot water bottle is getting cold.

Jacn

 

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