Worse

August 25th 2017

Today I kinda just played Football Manager and caught up on Netflix all evening. I didn’t feel like doing much else. I haven’t felt like doing much else at all, recently, to be fair. I’ve been feeling uninspired and unproductive again after a brief stint of productivity where I almost finished editing my novel. I need to start that up again (again) but, y’know…

Other than that, I want to start reading again. The last book I actually finished reading was months ago, and it’s more of a 100-page poem than a novel. I used to whizz through books in a couple of days. Now it takes me months. Once I started a book I wouldn’t be able to put it down until I finished it. Now I struggle to pick one up in the first place.

And I can feel myself getting dumber because of it. My writing is getting worse and my vocabulary is getting… worse. See, I can’t even think of a synonym for worse. Like, I’m even struggling to write this blog. I don’t particularly want to, but I kinda have to because of this almost 1,000 day streak that I am on.

I need to get back into it but I just struggle to concentrate. And even when I actually commit to reading, I skim read and don’t take it all in. And my memory is bad enough that the next time I pick up the book I’ve forgotten what’s happened.

It’s a mess. And it’s annoying. I’ve always said that I like buying books more than I like reading books (see: Tsonduko) but at least I used to read at least somewhat often. Now I can’t. I watch Netflix in my free time instead. And there’s probably not anything particularly wrong with that, but… I dunno.

Until tomorrow, I am just not currently the person that I want to be.

Jacn

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