January 26th 2016
Today, ever since I woke up this morning I’ve had this pulsating sensation in my left eye. Do you ever get that? Anyone? Well I get it now and then, where it feels like my heart is beating underneath my left eyelid and there’s a tap tap tap of my pulse under the lid.
I’ve no idea what it is, what causes it or how it gets there but it’s bloody annoying. Because once you realise that it’s there it’s all you can think about. It’s almost like… You know how you never really blink unless you’re thinking about blinking? Blinking is just something you do naturally, like breathing or swallowing, but you’re only really aware that you’re doing it if you’re thinking about it.
Other people get that, too, right? I’m not just fucking insane?
Don’t answer that.
Sometimes you forget about it because you’re concentrating on something else, but then you think about it again and it’s all you can think about. It’s the only thing you notice.
I’ve tried getting rid of it, but I don’t even know what it is. I’ve intentionally poked myself in the eye in the hope that attacking the pulse will scare it away. I’ve tried lifting my eyelid off of my eye. I’ve tried pressing down and scrunching it and rubbing it repeatedly.
I mean, it’s nice to be reminded of the fact that I am alive, but if I wanted to check that badly I could just put my hand over my left pectoral. (Refuse to say breast)
So really it’s just very annoying.
Until tomorrow, I pray that sleep is the remedy.