Octopus

December 13th 2015

Today I was made aware of how unprepared I am for life as an adult. 

A fuse blew at work and a bunch of our light bulbs went out. Because there was no way we could fiddle about with the fuse box, or get an electrician in with an open restaurant we had to find a temporary solution. Half the restaurant was in complete darkness. I was sent to the shops to buy a load of lamps to illuminate the tables as much as we could. 

I didn’t realise buying lamps would be as complicated as it turned out to be. Because first, I didn’t know that lamps came without bulbs, and second, I didn’t know there were different types of bulbs. I mean, I knew they came in different shapes but I didn’t know the screw between bulb and lamp was different. So I’d picked out some lamps and basically had no idea what bulbs I was supposed to buy to accompany them. And because I have the social skills of a fucking octopus I was too scared to ask someone that works there to help me. 

Instead I stood there and looked at the bulbs for a bit until a couple came over and the guy said “do we need any bulbs love” and I though, “aha, here’s a man that can help” so I plucked up the courage and said “sorry, random question, can I put any bulb in any lamp?” And he laughed and explained to me about bayonets, and screw fixes, and pins, and I stood there and nodded and asked him which bulb fitted the lamps I’d bought. 

And between him and his wife we found the right bulbs and I thanked them and swam my little octopus self away from that situation. 

I’ve lived a sheltered life. I’ve been looked after, fed, watered, given sunlight. I have a degree and a job but I have very few survival skills. Change a lightbulb? Nope. Unblock a sink? Nope. Jumpstart a car? Nope. Change a tire? I mean, my Dad did actually teach me that one the other week… But still probably nope. My Octopus arms and legs would probably come in handy changing a tire, mind. 

There are a lot of things that I am good at, I’m just bad at the little things. The little things that will probably be more useful in life than being able to recite the first 15 elements of the periodic table. 

Until tomorrow, eight legged freaks. 

Jacn 

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