Helpless

November 13th 2015

Today, the worst thing is there not being a single fucking thing I can do. Right now I’m halfway between denial and bargaining. I just refuse to believe it, I expect to wake up at any moment. I’m waiting for the big reveal. The big reveal isn’t coming. I’m praying to God. I don’t believe in God. I never have. But I’m trying, begging. 

I’m helpless. 

There is nothing I can do. 

Halfway between denial and bargaining is anger. And I’m pretty fucking angry. Why us? Why her? Why now? Why ever? Again? 

I slept for three hours last night and I’m exhausted but I can’t sleep. My mind won’t turn off. 

I’m trying to figure out what I can do to help, but there is nothing. 

Not a damn thing. 

Until tomorrow, I am helpless. 

Jacn

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