November 13th 2015
Today, the worst thing is there not being a single fucking thing I can do. Right now I’m halfway between denial and bargaining. I just refuse to believe it, I expect to wake up at any moment. I’m waiting for the big reveal. The big reveal isn’t coming. I’m praying to God. I don’t believe in God. I never have. But I’m trying, begging.
There is nothing I can do.
Halfway between denial and bargaining is anger. And I’m pretty fucking angry. Why us? Why her? Why now? Why ever? Again?
I slept for three hours last night and I’m exhausted but I can’t sleep. My mind won’t turn off.
I’m trying to figure out what I can do to help, but there is nothing.
Not a damn thing.
Until tomorrow, I am helpless.