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November 3rd 2015

Today I’m trying to figure out the next step. Uni is done. Travelling is done. I’m home. What’s next? 

I want to write, right? But what does that mean? I’ve written. I have a novel, I’ve had it for two years and where is it? It’s in a cupboard somewhere. I have ideas, but where are they? They’re in my head, not on paper. And every time I try to put them on to paper I freeze. 

I wanted to start writing today, after a successful planning day yesterday, but I couldn’t. Because I had more planning to do. But I didn’t want to plan, I wanted to write. So instead I went back to an old first draft of a novel that I got 10,000 words into writing. And I read through that and I liked it and I wanted to continue with that, but then there’s also the fact that the one I’ve been planning is about my travelling (ish) and right now that’s all fresh in my mind, so it’d make sense to write it now. Although I’ve got the entire trip documented via this blog and YouTube, so j can remind myself later.

So maybe the right idea is to go back to the old one, the one that is already to planned. The kind of ‘here’s one I made earlier’ Blue Peter novel. Because I want to write because it’s NaNoWriMo, I can’t be arsed with planning. 

But then there’s my old book. The one that is completed and printed. What do I do with that? Publish it? How the hell would I do that. I’ve no idea because I’ve never looked. But now that’s the next step, isn’t it? But before then I need an agent and an editor and all this stuff but I don’t want to do that I just want to write but I can’t because it’s hard. 

I sit down to do it and I can’t make myself do it. I want to but I can’t. 

My dad can’t sleep unless the conditions are perfect. No light, no noise, perfect temperature, door pushed to, window ajar. 

And that’s kinda like me with writing. Today I tried to write on my bed because my car wasn’t working and I couldn’t get anywhere, but the conditions aren’t write. 

I need a table, a desk, a chair, perfect typing conditions, a coffee, water, wordless music at a certain volume so that it’s relaxing and not distracting. 

And I wonder if all of this is really necessary or if I’m just lazy as fuck, and it’s probably the latter and this is just a rant to try and kick myself up the arse. 

Until tomorrow, take the next step.

Jacn

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