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June 1st 2015

Today is a pretty massive day. Today I had my last exam at University, which makes me no longer a student. I don’t yet want to think about what I am now classed as when filling in applications on websites, et cetera, because for the last 21 years in the “employment” section I’d always put “student” Now I’m not a student, as I am no longer in full time education, or even, in any kind of education, but I don’t yet want to admit to being unemployed. So, right now, I guess I’m post-student. I’m not quite a post-graduate because I haven’t graduated yet, so, you know… by definition I’m not a post grad.

For me I’m a student until I can no longer get a free cheeseburger with every meal from McDonalds. And that expires on August 31st. So I guess right now I’m just a student on Summer break. Except I’m not going back to Uni in September, I’m not going back to Uni at all.

Ever.

Shit.

So, what were my big post-exam celebrations? Well, today I’ve got out of bed three times. One was to do an exam (which went fucking terribly by the way, but that’s not even important any more) Once was to get dinner. And once was to get a biscuit.

And that’s it. That’s all I’ve done today, and that’s all I wanted to do today. I can’t describe how much I’ve missed doing absolutely nothing. I’ve watched about four films today. I haven’t watched a film in so long. This is so new.

I got a text from my sister today that said “I bet you’re feeling so many mixed emotions right now” but to be honest, I wasn’t. I’m not. I don’t yet know what to feel. Immediately after the exam I thought I’d be happier than I was, but it was raining, and I’d just tanked the exam, so my mood was low.

I’m not scared, or nervous, or worried, or excited, or apprehensive. I’ve not thought about “what’s next”, not today at least. Today the only thing I’ve thought about is which film to watch next. Or whether I should buy food or cook food. (I bought)

The best part of today is that I got to do absolutely nothing and not feel bad for (not?) doing so. I didn’t have to fret that “I should be working right now” because I have nothing to do. I have no commitments, no pressures, nothing.

It’s brilliant.

I know that at some point I will have to start thinking about life after this summer (Because if you didn’t know, this summer I’m going back to my “job” and working until I travel Europe in August.) But not yet. The only thing I have to decide now is if 1:39am is too late to put on another film.

May as well, I have nothing to wake up for tomorrow morning.

Until tomorrow, that’s the first time I’ve been able to say that in a long time.

Jacn

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