February 12th 2015
Today I participated in team sports. Team sports, and sports in general, have never been something at which I excelled. Some people are good at football, some people are good at tennis, I am not good at team sports. It’s not that I’m bad, I can pick up a racket, kick a ball or throw a dart and not humiliate myself. I’m just not good. I’m not above average. I’m average. You wouldn’t watch me play football and think “Oh he’s good.” but you wouldn’t think “He can’t even kick a ball!”
The friends I played football with today are, however, good. They are above average. So I felt severely out of place. You might’ve watched me play and think “He is not as good as the rest of them.” And my problem is that I let that get to me. I’m worried about letting the rest of the team down, or making a mistake that costs us. So I volunteer to be subbed off more frequently than I should, or when I am on, I shy away and play the easy option just to make sure I don’t make a mistake.
The only sports I’ve ever really excelled at (and by that I mean have been above average at) are golf and Tae-Kwon-Do. Because that’s solo. That’s just me. I don’t have to worry about letting people down. I was very, very good at Tae-Kwon-Do but I quit it to, ironically, take up football And golf is something I play occasionally and am reasonably good at.
One difference between my friends and I when it comes to team sports is that they care a hell of a lot more than I do. I don’t care if we lose a match, obviously it’s nice to win, but to me it’s not going to spoil my day if we don’t. But they hate it. It gets to them, because they have a bigger desire to win than I do. I’m not a competitive person at all, I don’t have to win and I don’t hate to lose. Whereas they all hate losing. And love winning. I’m just happy with being above average.
Until tomorrow, deviate from the mean.