Failure

February 6th 2015

Today I got my exam results back. You remember those exams? Those exams I spent a sold three weeks of ten hours a day of torture in the library. The exams for which I worked harder than I have ever done for a set of exams? The exams that were going to make or break my final year, and hence my degree. Yeah, those exams.

I failed two of them.

Yeah.

Thanks to coursework marks I passed the modules, even though I failed the exams. But I still failed the exams. I averaged 45% overall. I needed 60%.

This doesn’t mean my degree is over, but it means any hope I had of getting a 2:1 is gone. Unless I can somehow average 75% in my summer exams, I’m not getting a 2:1. And bear in mind I’ve only got over 75% in a module once since I’ve been at Uni. In a first year module called “Computing Skills” that involved a test worth 20% of the grade that was entirely on how to use the library in the Maths building.

I’m not getting a 2:1.

I’m not getting what I came to Uni for.

I’m not getting the same grade my sister graduated with.

I’m not fulfilling one of my New Years resolutions. Technically it’s not official yet, or impossible. But it’s not happening.

I’m not getting a 2:1

I’m not getting upset, either. I did my best and I’m not clever enough. Fine. I can deal with that. Next please.

I don’t know where to go from here.

I don’t know where a 2:1 was taking me, and I don’t think that’s changed now that I’m not getting one. But I still don’t know where I’m going.

Until tomorrow, I’ve failed.

Jacn

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