January 15th 2015
Today, again, I am blogging from a table in the library, surrounded with various sheets of paper full of notes, calculators full of equations, pens empty off ink, and a water bottle half empty of water.
Now if you were tor read into the last few words of the sentence previous you might make an observation of my character. You might say I’m a pessimist because I said the bottle was half empty. And to that I say bollocks. In fact I am a realist, the reason I said it was half empty is because it was once full, and now I’ve emptied half of it by drinking from it. If the bottle was fully empty (oxymoronic but bare with me) and I filled it half way, then it would be half full. And that’s pretty much how I am when it comes to exams. I don’t go in with a half empty water bottle and think “I am going to do so bad.” And I don’t walk in with a half full water bottle and say “I’m gonna smash this.” Instead my water bottle is in a state of both fullness and emptiness. It is schrodingers water bottle.
When I walk out of the exam I know how its gone. I know if I answered questions right or wrong, it’s maths, there’s usually a right answer. My friends walk home from the exam huddled in groups around the test paper that they’ve snuck out of the exam and they compare answers and tally up what they think they scored. I see no point in that. No amount of debate or afterthought can change the answers I’d put. It’s useless realising “oh I got the wrong answer for that. shit.” That’s why I’m rarely nervous when results come out. Because that is not the time to be nervous, the time to be nervous is now. When you’re about to get results, nothing can change what is in that envelope. So why let it get to you.
Until tomorrow, be real.